[He probably should have locked his door in retrospect. He wakes with a noise of surprise as the knife pierces him and for a moment his world swims, he feels sure he's going to die, he doesn't want to die in that moment. Scared and disoriented. But then the feeling passes and it's just very painful. Ariel will find that, no matter how much he's sure he stabbed Tristan fatally, the knife is just missing any vital organs.]
[And Tristan is reaching up shakily to grab his wrist, breathing shallow and harsh, pained.]
[It should have been enough. Even with healing, Tristan shouldn't be able to withstand the way Ariel stabbed him. He doesn't understand, but he knows that if Tristan's thinking straight, Ariel's going to lose. So he claps his free hand over his mouth, trying to wrench the knife out and stab him again, regardless of Tristan's hold on him.
But he's not smiling, like every other time he's hurt Tristan. He looks frightened, and he looks upset, in a deeper way than Tristan's ever seen from him -- but Ariel doesn't understand these things, so he's just rejecting it. Fear he knows. Reluctance he knows. But he doesn't know what would make his stomach twist like this, why he feels so worked up other than desperation to run, so he rationalizes it away, completely unaware of what shows on his face, because as always with strong emotions Ariel deals with them childishly, by feeling them sharply and throwing them everywhere.]
[He struggles as the knife is pulled out, grabbing Ariel's wrist for real, confused by the emotions on Ariel's face but sure he can't actually dwell on that right now. He freezes Ariel's arm up, immobilizes him and reaches to try to pry his brother's hand off his face, bleeding but still very alive despite what definitely should have been excessively fatal stabbing.]
[As soon as he feels his body freeze, panic sets in. No. No no no nonono he doesn't want to lose, he doesn't want to be trapped anymore, but while he hasn't acknowledged his fear of that other place it's very real, and worse, and if he's failed to escape that's where's he'll end up again isn't it? He can't stop Tristan from taking over. He's not the one with power anymore. So obviously his sudden burst of hyperventilating has everything to do with what he hasn't done successfully, and the breakdown of sanity over the two years away from Tristan, and nothing to do with what he did do, or any reality check related to it. He doesn't care about hurting Tristan, that's just normal. So it follows he doesn't care about losing him and isn't upset about trying to kill him, he's only afraid of the potential consequences of not following through.
[He is still really confused about why Ariel looks close to tears and not frustrated anger. It seems off. But he needs to heal his chest wound. So he concentrates on that, still holding Ariel's wrist even though he doesn't need to with magic holding him still.]
....They'll send you back if I die Ariel. Do you want that?
[He's scared, but he's mad at that, too -- why is it so easy for Tristan to turn on him? Oh, the reasons are obvious enough, Ariel knows his behavior isn't "normal", but as far as he sees that's how they were supposed to be. That's just how things were. And he wanted Tristan to stay, so how could Tristan send him away? And yet it was a matter of control and possession, not stupid things he doesn't understand or care about like "love", so why does it hurt so much, instead of just making him angry?]
Why did you bring me here in the first place if you're so glad to see the back of me? I can't believe you'd really think I'd learn to roll over and stay as easy as you.
[He sets the bloody knife down and rubs his healed shoulder. He should, like he said, send Ariel back. He knows his brother is dangerous, he might very well have died tonight if he hadn't been lucky (he believes it was luck, or bad aim in the dark). But instead he's thinking, well, he could lock his room from now on. Put a bell on it so Ariel couldn't break in without waking him.]
[...And if Ariel tries something more subtle? He doesn't keep easy poisons in the house but Ariel's resourceful. Should he let Ariel stay knowing he could be checking over his shoulder for the rest of his life? But he knew that when he offered to take Ariel didn't he?]
[He gently pats Ariel's head, tired and sad and wishing things were different.]
I don't know. I don't want to send you back, but I don't want to give you the opportunity to kill me. This was too close--you may hate me but I don't hate you. I don't want to send you back there after everything that happened to you, but I can't trust you. You've left me in a bit of dilemma, Ariel.
[Tristan's patted Ariel on the head several times -- mostly, a very, very long time ago. Then, even when he was small and hadn't realised the truth of what he was, entirely, he found that kind of affection meaningless and a little annoying. As an adult, it's just demeaning. And yet for some reason it hits him right in the emotional place he's trying to deny, the part that's new and completely baffling, and when Tristan lets him move he doesn't get up, he just doubles over, shoving him in the chest for some kind of action as he really does start to cry.
He doesn't understand. He doesn't know what he's feeling so he can't even think to complain about the change, all he can do is childishly feel it, and right now it just hurts, in a foreign and frightening way that makes him angry, but also makes him want to collapse in a way he's not used to at all.]
Don't lie to me. You turned on me already, you can go ahead and do it again. It's more than I gave you credit for, you know. Even I didn't--
[No, no, this is humiliating. He doesn't want to break down in front of Tristan and he doesn't get why he is at all, it doesn't make sense, but here it is anyway. He's never been able to control strong emotions. In that, even now, he hasn't progressed an inch from the moment their world fell apart, back then.]
[He's baffled. He's seen Ariel act upset for others, feign emotions that weren't real. But he doesn't think this is a show for his benefit and that makes even less sense. He carefully puts a hand on Ariel's shoulder, incredibly confused by the behavior, a little wary too. Ariel is acting in ways he doesn't expect and that's alarming on many levels, one of them just being survival. Has Ariel gotten better at acting? Or maybe this is the effect of the trauma he's been through. Either way it hurts to see his brother this upset even when he can't really feel sorry for any perceived betrayal.]
[He doesn't want to admit it. Tristan doesn't deserve any acknowledgement, certainly not when it's also going to give him ammo against Ariel. When it'll make him look even weaker -- as if there is much weaker he can get than heaving confused and distressed sobs while still sitting halfway on Tristan's lap. And right now, for some reason, being left again is viscerally more frightening than just being a little more vulnerable than he already is, so after a moment he bites it out, embarrassed, angry, wiping his eyes in a useless attempt to stem tears that won't stop.]
I didn't want you to leave, okay? Is that pathetic enough to satisfy you? But it never hurt like this til now... I don't understand anymore.
[He cautiously rubs Ariel's back, not sure what to make of that. It doesn't sound like Ariel at all, but it also makes him ache. It is what he wanted, Ariel to care even a bit. He always wanted that. He doesn't know what to make of it now though, except that it's painful and Ariel seems as genuinely baffled as Tristan is.]
I don't want you to be unhappy. I never did. But I can't let you--the things you did before were wrong and it took me far too long to do anything to stop you. Because I didn't want to be separated from you either--but you went too far a long time ago.
I won't send you back, I don't trust them not to let someone else hurt you again--but Ariel if you try something like this again I'll have to.
[He has to keep thinking that. It's too far in the game to stop believing in his own superiority. If it wasn't okay for him to do everything he did, he'd have to feel guilty, and there's so much to feel guilty for, it's a burden most people couldn't handle. But guilt, truly understanding the gravity of his actions, isn't something Ariel's been capable of -- until Tristan unknowingly changed that. It's still not something he's built up to grasping. But he's feeling unstable enough that he feels desperate to reinforce the correctness of his actions. It was right for him to do what he wants. That's how it's meant to be. It's Ariel getting hurt that was wrong.]
I can do what I want. Who were you to stop me in the first place?
No. You had no right. No one has the right to do the things you did. And I'm your older brother, if that's not enough, I'm also just another person. Anyone has the right to stop the kind of atrocities you were committing, Ariel.
[He doesn't say any of it angrily. He's tired and oddly calm, he doesn't have the energy to be upset at Ariel for being broken, for being delusional about what's acceptable. If he let that bother him he couldn't keep Ariel here. So he replies without any heat, but with perfect conviction. He feels guilty himself, for letting Ariel continue for so long, even though he knows, logically, any attempt to stop him without the help he found in Jupiter would have been futile. He still feels somewhat responsible for Ariel's actions.]
Don't you lecture me! You're garbage. You don't know anything.
[So he protests, getting up from Tristan and the bed feeling dizzy with emotion, half of it uncharted territory he doesn't want to even acknowledge being in. Tristan's calm just makes it worse. Ariel's right because he has to be. Because he always has been. But it stopped being validated two years ago, and it's hard to be anything but lost in response to that.]
[He grabs Ariel's wrist, not letting him up just yet. It's not painful, but it's a firm hold.]
You will not speak to me that way again, understand? I won't put up with it. I won't hurt you for it but I will reduce your privileges. You may not like me, brother, but you will treat me civilly and you will behave appropriately.
[His voice is still raw, his eyes red and his face puffy in a way he never would have allowed, before. But the sharpness in his tone is the same old Ariel, as he tries to yank his wrist out of Tristan's grip. It's tempered by stress, though, a nervousness that's new, because until he was imprisoned he hadn't had to deal with anyone actually being stronger than him very often. When he had, it had been singularly awful, but even then he'd known he was, ultimately, more powerful, so it didn't matter if he was physically overpowered. The safety of his old strength is gone now, and he hates feeling small. He hates knowing Tristan could send him away to people who really don't care for his wellbeing at all. He hates it almost, but not quite, as much as he hates being talked to like Tristan has the right to tell him what to do, to the point of restricting his attitude.
He can't do anything about being slight, but he can be venomous about anyone trying to silence his dissent.]
You can confine me, sedate me, and do whatever the hell else you and those revolutionist bastards have done to me, but I'm not going to be meek about it.
I'm not going to do anything unsavory to you Ariel. But I'm not going to be talked to like that in my own home. If you want to vent, yell at a wall. I'm done being meek too, if you hadn't noticed.
[Right. Right, if Tristan's the kind of person who really won't hurt him, then there's no reason not to push it. The worst he can do is get rid of him, right? So why should he listen? Maybe he should, for luxury's sake, but at the moment he's embarrassed by his own breakdown and not inclined to be nice.]
[He pinches the bridge of his nose like he's getting a headache and slides out of bed, still holding Ariel's wrist and yanking him up as well.]
It's hard to ground someone who's already under house arrest... But you're grounded for a week. You will not leave your room except for meals, which will not include sweets. Come on.
Frankly I should have grounded you when we were children. This will have to do.]
[He gently but firmly tugs Ariel and shoves him into his room.]
And you can consider this for also trying to murder me. Anyone else would have sent you back, Ariel. Anyone else wouldn't have taken you at all. You don't get to be entitled just because I care about you.
[He waves a hand, the doorframe glowing faintly as he locks Ariel from leaving with magic.]
[Who cares about that? He didn't ask for caring. He just demanded loyalty. In his own way he gave it back, but it doesn't mean much in context -- no one in their right mind would want the kind of "staying together" that Ariel would have kept with left to his own devices. Ariel wouldn't want it himself, if he were on the receiving end. But still he's furious at having lost that position, that stability and superiority, because he doesn't care, yet, what anyone else wanted but himself.
It doesn't take Tristan's unintentional meddling to make him collapse again once he's sealed in. That's just a part of the erosion of his mind that got him the government's "mercy" to begin with, a now not too unusual fit of bitter, unhinged laughter, sitting on the floor with his back to the door.
No, he didn't ask for caring at all. It hurts. Everything since that day has hurt, and he's got willpower to put himself back where he wants to be, but the slow creep of self-doubt rots everything from underneath, and the less certain of his delusions he becomes the more desperate he becomes to keep them, and the more he crumbles under that pressure.]
Ahaha-- I don't need you. I don't need anyone. This is all a sham!
[Tristan himself just feels tired. Exhausted emotionally because he does still care, but it's hard to care for someone who doesn't feel it back, who is insane and broken and evil. He rests his palm on the door frame a moment, tempted to try to comfort Ariel but knowing that's a bad idea, a pointless task when he doesn't want Ariel to gain any illusions of controlling Tristan, even through his tantrums, so he simply turns to go back to his room where he'll hardly sleep through nightmares of things being the way they used to.]
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[And Tristan is reaching up shakily to grab his wrist, breathing shallow and harsh, pained.]
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But he's not smiling, like every other time he's hurt Tristan. He looks frightened, and he looks upset, in a deeper way than Tristan's ever seen from him -- but Ariel doesn't understand these things, so he's just rejecting it. Fear he knows. Reluctance he knows. But he doesn't know what would make his stomach twist like this, why he feels so worked up other than desperation to run, so he rationalizes it away, completely unaware of what shows on his face, because as always with strong emotions Ariel deals with them childishly, by feeling them sharply and throwing them everywhere.]
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Ariel.
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[As soon as he feels his body freeze, panic sets in. No. No no no nonono he doesn't want to lose, he doesn't want to be trapped anymore, but while he hasn't acknowledged his fear of that other place it's very real, and worse, and if he's failed to escape that's where's he'll end up again isn't it? He can't stop Tristan from taking over. He's not the one with power anymore. So obviously his sudden burst of hyperventilating has everything to do with what he hasn't done successfully, and the breakdown of sanity over the two years away from Tristan, and nothing to do with what he did do, or any reality check related to it. He doesn't care about hurting Tristan, that's just normal. So it follows he doesn't care about losing him and isn't upset about trying to kill him, he's only afraid of the potential consequences of not following through.
So there's no reason he should be about to cry.]
Let go of me and die already.
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....They'll send you back if I die Ariel. Do you want that?
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You'd be caught. I should send you back now myself.
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[He's scared, but he's mad at that, too -- why is it so easy for Tristan to turn on him? Oh, the reasons are obvious enough, Ariel knows his behavior isn't "normal", but as far as he sees that's how they were supposed to be. That's just how things were. And he wanted Tristan to stay, so how could Tristan send him away? And yet it was a matter of control and possession, not stupid things he doesn't understand or care about like "love", so why does it hurt so much, instead of just making him angry?]
Why did you bring me here in the first place if you're so glad to see the back of me? I can't believe you'd really think I'd learn to roll over and stay as easy as you.
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[...And if Ariel tries something more subtle? He doesn't keep easy poisons in the house but Ariel's resourceful. Should he let Ariel stay knowing he could be checking over his shoulder for the rest of his life? But he knew that when he offered to take Ariel didn't he?]
[He gently pats Ariel's head, tired and sad and wishing things were different.]
I don't know. I don't want to send you back, but I don't want to give you the opportunity to kill me. This was too close--you may hate me but I don't hate you. I don't want to send you back there after everything that happened to you, but I can't trust you. You've left me in a bit of dilemma, Ariel.
[He releases the immobilizing magic at least.]
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He doesn't understand. He doesn't know what he's feeling so he can't even think to complain about the change, all he can do is childishly feel it, and right now it just hurts, in a foreign and frightening way that makes him angry, but also makes him want to collapse in a way he's not used to at all.]
Don't lie to me. You turned on me already, you can go ahead and do it again. It's more than I gave you credit for, you know. Even I didn't--
[No, no, this is humiliating. He doesn't want to break down in front of Tristan and he doesn't get why he is at all, it doesn't make sense, but here it is anyway. He's never been able to control strong emotions. In that, even now, he hasn't progressed an inch from the moment their world fell apart, back then.]
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Even you didn't...?
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I didn't want you to leave, okay? Is that pathetic enough to satisfy you? But it never hurt like this til now... I don't understand anymore.
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I don't want you to be unhappy. I never did. But I can't let you--the things you did before were wrong and it took me far too long to do anything to stop you. Because I didn't want to be separated from you either--but you went too far a long time ago.
I won't send you back, I don't trust them not to let someone else hurt you again--but Ariel if you try something like this again I'll have to.
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[He has to keep thinking that. It's too far in the game to stop believing in his own superiority. If it wasn't okay for him to do everything he did, he'd have to feel guilty, and there's so much to feel guilty for, it's a burden most people couldn't handle. But guilt, truly understanding the gravity of his actions, isn't something Ariel's been capable of -- until Tristan unknowingly changed that. It's still not something he's built up to grasping. But he's feeling unstable enough that he feels desperate to reinforce the correctness of his actions. It was right for him to do what he wants. That's how it's meant to be. It's Ariel getting hurt that was wrong.]
I can do what I want. Who were you to stop me in the first place?
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[He doesn't say any of it angrily. He's tired and oddly calm, he doesn't have the energy to be upset at Ariel for being broken, for being delusional about what's acceptable. If he let that bother him he couldn't keep Ariel here. So he replies without any heat, but with perfect conviction. He feels guilty himself, for letting Ariel continue for so long, even though he knows, logically, any attempt to stop him without the help he found in Jupiter would have been futile. He still feels somewhat responsible for Ariel's actions.]
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[So he protests, getting up from Tristan and the bed feeling dizzy with emotion, half of it uncharted territory he doesn't want to even acknowledge being in. Tristan's calm just makes it worse. Ariel's right because he has to be. Because he always has been. But it stopped being validated two years ago, and it's hard to be anything but lost in response to that.]
I'm going to bed.
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You will not speak to me that way again, understand? I won't put up with it. I won't hurt you for it but I will reduce your privileges. You may not like me, brother, but you will treat me civilly and you will behave appropriately.
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[His voice is still raw, his eyes red and his face puffy in a way he never would have allowed, before. But the sharpness in his tone is the same old Ariel, as he tries to yank his wrist out of Tristan's grip. It's tempered by stress, though, a nervousness that's new, because until he was imprisoned he hadn't had to deal with anyone actually being stronger than him very often. When he had, it had been singularly awful, but even then he'd known he was, ultimately, more powerful, so it didn't matter if he was physically overpowered. The safety of his old strength is gone now, and he hates feeling small. He hates knowing Tristan could send him away to people who really don't care for his wellbeing at all. He hates it almost, but not quite, as much as he hates being talked to like Tristan has the right to tell him what to do, to the point of restricting his attitude.
He can't do anything about being slight, but he can be venomous about anyone trying to silence his dissent.]
You can confine me, sedate me, and do whatever the hell else you and those revolutionist bastards have done to me, but I'm not going to be meek about it.
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Let go of me, you worthless backstabbing dog.
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It's hard to ground someone who's already under house arrest... But you're grounded for a week. You will not leave your room except for meals, which will not include sweets. Come on.
[He pulls Ariel to the hall with him.]
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I'm not eleven years old, Tristan! If you want me around you can have me as I am!
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[He gently but firmly tugs Ariel and shoves him into his room.]
And you can consider this for also trying to murder me. Anyone else would have sent you back, Ariel. Anyone else wouldn't have taken you at all. You don't get to be entitled just because I care about you.
[He waves a hand, the doorframe glowing faintly as he locks Ariel from leaving with magic.]
Getting along is going to depend on you, not me.
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[Who cares about that? He didn't ask for caring. He just demanded loyalty. In his own way he gave it back, but it doesn't mean much in context -- no one in their right mind would want the kind of "staying together" that Ariel would have kept with left to his own devices. Ariel wouldn't want it himself, if he were on the receiving end. But still he's furious at having lost that position, that stability and superiority, because he doesn't care, yet, what anyone else wanted but himself.
It doesn't take Tristan's unintentional meddling to make him collapse again once he's sealed in. That's just a part of the erosion of his mind that got him the government's "mercy" to begin with, a now not too unusual fit of bitter, unhinged laughter, sitting on the floor with his back to the door.
No, he didn't ask for caring at all. It hurts. Everything since that day has hurt, and he's got willpower to put himself back where he wants to be, but the slow creep of self-doubt rots everything from underneath, and the less certain of his delusions he becomes the more desperate he becomes to keep them, and the more he crumbles under that pressure.]
Ahaha-- I don't need you. I don't need anyone. This is all a sham!
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[Tristan himself just feels tired. Exhausted emotionally because he does still care, but it's hard to care for someone who doesn't feel it back, who is insane and broken and evil. He rests his palm on the door frame a moment, tempted to try to comfort Ariel but knowing that's a bad idea, a pointless task when he doesn't want Ariel to gain any illusions of controlling Tristan, even through his tantrums, so he simply turns to go back to his room where he'll hardly sleep through nightmares of things being the way they used to.]